December 6, 2017

Be Confident in Your Friendships

Have you ever questioned whether someone was a true friend to you? You’re not questioning whether they have your best interest at heart. But it’s like they are genuinely good people and you have no doubt that they don’t harbor any ill-will towards you. Yet, for some reason, you’re still not sure whether they are a true friend.

I know what you might be thinking. We’re told that a true friend is someone who honest, kind and caring, etc. All that good stuff. Honestly, I think that those qualities are the bare minimum to be an acquaintance or association. Hear me out! This topic has been on my mind for quite some time now because friendship is such an important piece of life. I think it is worth contemplating who qualifies as friends who are merely associates.

Firstly, let’s take a step back and think about the people who peeked our interests on a platonic level. Maybe we liked their sense of style, or how they made you laughed so easily, or even the conversation between you too was easy and they made you feel comfortable being you. Whatever that experience was the two of you had created a bond that had the ability to start a relationship (platonic). Mind you, I refrain from saying friendship, but you’ll see why soon. After the connection had been made, yall started talking more frequently and more purposefully. Next comes hanging out and getting to know each other on a deeper level. And voila, you’re friends!……

But are you? I truly believe that people have different standards for what friendships look like. And the craziest part is, no is talking about this. Especially to their friends. Mind you, I’m 100% guilty of this too. But I have a theory that each person requires different actions within a friendship to feel like satisfied with the friendship. In other words, for people to feel like themselves and the individual to have a true friendship, each individual needs to feel like the other person is a true friend to them.

Issues arise when the needs of an individual are not met by the “friend” or the person is not giving something or doing something that the individual needs. For instance, some people just need someone to talk to every so often in order to consider them a friend. Other people need someone to hang out with at events to give someone the title of friend. At the same time, the needs are or complex. Simply talking and/or hanging out occasionally is not enough and more is required within the friendship for needs to be met. These individuals desire intimate relationships in which regular phone calls,  weekend hangouts, and a texted meme or two is included. All of these are totally fine and normal, but when 2 people create a bond and their needs within a friendship are different and those differences are not communicated, then one or both individuals question the authenticity of the friendship.

So I know it may seem like my advice was going to, “Open up your heart and talk to your friend about what you need.” Ehhhh not today it’s not. Actually, I think you should evaluate the friendships you currently have and really look at how much effort your friends put into the relationship vs. how much effort you put in. If you realize it’s uneven on your friend side, yes I definitely think you should like them know to pick up their slack. For example, if you notice they haven’t asked you to hang out in months, you could tell them that you want to hang out soon or you’re looking for something to do that weekend. Because you don’t know exactly what’s someone been going through recently, giving them those statements take pressure off seeing them a particular day but it gives them an opportunity to put you on their radar. But if you’ve tried this tactic or something similar and they still haven’t called to check in on you or tried to spend time with you without any reason, you may have to take a step back from that friendship and give them space.

I’m not saying telling them directly that they are being a bad
friend isn’t ok to do. My point is, if you know this is a decent person 
who cares about you but hasn’t been there, I doubt they
 are trying to be a bad friend. Give them a chance to get 
their life together while sending reminders that
 you still exist. 
 
In the meantime, give them the space that they need and continue to do you while still having love for them. Be confident in your friendship. Maybe they aren’t being a true friend now. But we all have out moments, days, weeks or even months that are rough just like them. But if they don’t get their sh*t together, deuces.
Let me know your thoughts with a comment below. Have you been through anything similiar? Or maybe my advice sucks and you they should do something else. Let me know…. but in the nicest way possible!
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Filed Under: My Advice

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