How to Focus on Self

What does that mean?

When you choose to focus on yourself, you have recognized that your happiness should be the main focus of your life. Or you can think about it as if your life is a story and you are the main character and every one else is a side character.

The people in your life still matter because they enhance your life (or they better). But these same people can not be the main focus of your life. Starting today, we’re putting ourselves first!!!

And if anyone has a problem with it, it may be because they don’t like how much you’re not focusing on them. In which case, you may have to determine whether they are good for your life. No one has the right to make you feel bad for focusing on your own life. A real friend supports your happiness.

Why is this so important?

Short Answer: No one else is going to put you first after a certain age. Your guardians (if they were healthy parents) put you first for some time because you couldn’t do for yourself. But now that you’re grown, everyone else has their own life to live.

But to further explain, putting yourself first can also be known as self care because you are taking are of your needs before anyone else’. We all know the saying that states ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup.’ In other words, if you give more of yourself before you making sure you’re good first, then you are literally giving parts of yourself away. STOP THAT!

Self-preservation should be your number one priority.

Natural Ashlee

Here’s an example from my personal life. When I was dating my ex, he caught on pretty quickly that I was not a night owl during the school year. Y’all I’m a teacher. I can’t teach Pre-K students who are constantly on 100 when I’m exhausted. Knowing this about myself, I consistently when to bed by 10:30 pm every week night. Unfortunately, that irked my ex because he typically has free time during the week later in the evening. Even though I wanted to spend more time with him, I wouldn’t stay up with him late because I wanted to do my job well the next day. In the end, he told me in a very condescending way that I’m always focusing on self-preservation. Honestly, I don’t regret going to bed on time. Not one bit.

How to Focus on Yourself

1. Create Personal Goals

Your goal can be anything! From starting a new business to learning a new skill. The point of creating a goal is to remind yourself of your interests. As a result, you’ll spend more time on the activities that make you happy or move you forward in life.

2. Hold Yourself Accountable

This one and the first one go hand in hand. If you’re going to create a goal, you have to make steps to actually accomplish them otherwise your goals turn into dreams. Then try your best to stick to the plan and not get too distracted.

Tips: Get a planner, Use Google Calendar, Set an Alarm Clock, Post Sticky Notes Everywhere

The goal is to become self-reliant to avoid shifting blame.

3. Limit Phone Use

Hi, my name is Ashlee and I’m obsessed with mindlessly scrolling through social media.

I know, hun. Social media is a great distraction from being bored for the next 1 minute and 30 seconds of silence. In reality, we’re distracting ourselves from our own lives by observing the lives of others.

Don’t get me wrong. Pinterest and Instagram are great platforms to find good ideas and network. But it can also become a catalyst of jealousy and greed.

Also if you notice you need some space and want to talk phone use to the next level, I suggest putting your phone on do not disturb indefinitely. This feature helps by allowing you to work without any distraction. You can reply to the text or missed phone call when you’re done working on your own agenda.

4. Plan Your Own Adventures

To put it simply: stop waiting for other people to have fun. It’s nearly impossible for all of your friends to always be free when you’re free and want to do something.

So start planning your own adventures. If someone happens to be free, cool. If not, go anyway and be safe. Overtime, you will become comfortable doing activities alone.

If you live you life waiting for others, you will be waiting a lifetime.

Naturalee Ashlee

5. Start Saying No

Honestly, I don’t even think I can describe this without getting upset for you because I do this myself and I make myself mad. *Breathes in Deeply*

Stop being a people pleaser. And only commit to things you have time for and want to do. You do owe anyone ANYTHING. That includes your time, your money, and your sanity.

But I do want to leave you with this last note. You’re gonna have friends who are working just as hard to be their best selves by putting themselves first.

Sometimes that means they need to go ghost for a while. You have to support your friends the same way you want them to support you. So don’t take their focus as neglect. It’s just dedication.