I have met many young women like myself who grew up in a single-parent home. Many of which have been raised by their mothers who struggled to make ends meet. But they always made it work.
Well, I’m not a mom yet but I am the product of being raised by a single-mother. I can’t tell you how hard it was for my mother to raise all her children on her own. But I do have experience growing up without a constant positive male figure. I can tell you from experience, growing up fatherless (whether he’s alive or not), makes a difference.
Side note: This is based on if the daughter involved is heterosexual. Otherwise, this won’t apply to families of other sexual orientations.
Without a Father:
1. Women learn about a man’s love through their mother or her mother’s lovers.
When the mother has to play the roles of both parents, she can only try her best at doing both, work a full-time job and try to have her own life. Even after her best efforts, a father is the only person who accurately display a father’s love. On the other hand, learning about a man’s love through a mother’s boyfriend is pointless. Their relationship will probably end. As a result, their love toward the mother’s daughter is inconsistent.
2. Women may feel incomplete…
…And then find love elsewhere. It’s crazy how none of us asked to be born. A man and a woman were intimate for at least one night and created you. If both people chose to have relations with one another, then both people can agree to take care and love the end product (the baby). But for some reason, unbeknownst to me, one parent may decide to not love and care for their creation.
Aren’t children not owed love from both parents? If so, then I think there’s a part of your heart that is supposed to filled by both parents. Instead, in many households, parts of the heart are left partially empty and needing to be filled.
The dangerous part comes in when a woman does not realize that a part of her that she deserves is not there AND doesn’t know why. If she doesn’t fill it with her own love for herself, she may look to drugs, alcohol, other men or other distractions.
3. Women may feel insecure.
If or when you realize that there’s love you’re owed, how can you not wonder why you didn’t receive it? Yes, you deserve the love. It sucks that you have to accept the fact that you may never receive it; even though the decision to not give you love has nothing to do with you.
This feeling can create anxiety and a million self-depreciating questions.
4. Women may stay in pointless relationships.
In my opinion, without being raised by a consistent father, woman are just trying their best to create and hold fast to our standards of how we think we want to be treated. It’s great how dating allows people to see what you do and don’t like in a partner and you go through a trial and error period until we find qualities we want in a partner.
But when the father is there and present, he teaches his daughter what it feels like to have consistent love, healthy love, and supportive love from a man. You get to take out the guess work in relationships.
5. Women may deal with trauma.
Long story short: abandonment issues.
A father walked out and never came back. OR. He comes back into her life every so often.
And now you have: trust issues.
To All My Queens
Its up to us to save ourselves from future heart break. We can’t go back in time and hope that our moms care lucky enough to procreate with a real man. Nor can we ask our dads to step it up and do their job as a parent.
But what you can do:
- Try your best to give your love to a worthy man.
- Accept the love you are given.
- Fill that empty space with self-love.
- Be open to another father figure.
- F*** the man. You deserve the best kind of love.