Why Am I Struggling?

I did what I was told would become successful: a nice home, a decent paying job,  and financial freedom. But why am I struggling? After years of working hard, I don’t understand why I am going week to week trying to survive each one. After all my bills are paid, I only have funds for gas for my car and food. And I’m not even fully sure if I’ll have enough food for all 7 days with 3 square meals a day. Society spoon-fed me the belief that if I work hard, I won’t have any problems in life. I could have sworn I did the “right” thing to be successful.

  1. I believed in the American Dream.
  2. I went to school and tried hard
  3. Then I took out a ton of loans so then I could go to college. But I didn’t stop there!
  4. I got 2 degrees and even more loans.
  5. Then I got a full-time job.
Freret Street Market
So you’re telling me after 18 years of going to school, I don’t get what I was guaranteed: my basic needs met without stress. I’m literally only asking for a life in which I don’t have have a panic attack every time I see how much I have left after I pay my bills. By taking out loans, it is nearly impossible for me to currently save anything substantial while paying all ALL my bills. According to Cash Cow Couple, I am in the first stage of financial freedom. I’m convinced that Student Loans orgs wish for my demise as I continue to lower my monthly payment and lengthen my payment schedule with them so I can forever be in their debt.
Yoga on Tap at the Gardens
I realize that I have an advantage due to the steps I took in life, but I’m not comparing my life to others. I want to be very clear. I’m not saying I have the worse life possible nor am I ungrateful for what I have. I’m only talking about the life I have due to the choices I made. And the life I chose has given me a 6 figure student loan debt that consumes an entire paycheck every month. I’m blessed to have a car that runs but I’m just barely able to put gas into it to get to work. I have a roof over my head that is without holes but the building is full of roaches, fleas, mice and the heating isn’t allowed to be turned on until the outside temperature hits below 50 F. (As a side note, I continually clean and sanitize my apartment to discourage pests. My apartment is cleaned thoroughly.) Finally, I work to educate a bunch of kids just to pay my bills completely.
Pelicans Game via Jrue’s Krewe
What was the point of all of it the hard work if I was going to get a less than mediocre lifestyle? I guess I’m disappointed because I thought I’d start out my independent life starting off financially stable with a bit of $$ for emergencies or savings, not trying to scrape together a few bucks for a bottle at a vending machine to treat myself.

What that being said, I’m thinking about posting activities and places I go to for free or super inexpensive. Even though I’m constantly stressed out about my financial position, I still gotta live my life and have fun…but on an extreme budget.


6 thoughts on “Why Am I Struggling?”

  • Amennnnnnn! I try to stay positive and be grateful for everything that I have, but most of the time, all you can think about is the struggle and stress that the lack of money causes. Especially when you work so hard every day, and want just one day/week/month thay you can feel just CONTENT – not stressing! I feel you 100%

  • Totally feel you! I am in the same boat. Masters degree by 24 and scraping to have a lil fun or put something back in savings after bills are paid STILL at 34. just got my first real job somewhat related to my degree four years ago so you can only imagine the struggle I’ve been having financiallyl!! I’m waiting, hoping, praying for the day I can save a lil and live a lil! Hang in there.

    • I think I would have lost all hope if I had to deal with the additional stress of not getting a job in my field. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. You got this too!

  • Beautiful, I completely understand the feeling. It like being stuck in the twilight zone. At an early age we’re fed this belief that we can change our circumstances through hard work and education (especially children from low income backgrounds) but the only way to pursue higher education is to take out loans to combat the ever rising cost of something that’s priced as a luxury. Being 17 or 18 to early 20s having to make the kinda decision that financially cripples you later in life should be criminal. I constantly have to choose between life enjoyment and responsibilities like basic needs and student debt. 9/10 taking care of my financial obligations leaves me with little to nothing. Working just to exist in this world. Even considering getting a third job. I wrote all this to say you’re not alone. There’s so many of us that have been fed the path to the American Dream only to find it hard to digest later in life.

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